Being called into work on a Monday was the last straw for Ben Dover, a six-foot-tall epileptic with straw-colored pubes. He had recently stopped smoking crack cocaine and was already on edge, when his boss called and told him that one of his fellow baggers had died of a hug overdose. He showed up for work early, twitching and scratching, and in a murderous mood. The extra time before his shift would allow him to harvest some free cough medicine. Employees are not supposed to take free merchandise from Kroger. However, rules are for people who aren’t smart enough to break them. Ben Dover simply grabbed a bottle of Robitussin off the shelf, took it into the bathroom, and chugged the whole thing, cherishing the taste of cherry anus. It takes time for the stomach to break down the syrup and release Jesus into the bloodstream, so in the meantime Ben grudgingly took up his post at the end of a checkout line. It was the middle of winter and Ben’s nose was running like a black man from his baby momma, but he had recently been reprimanded for wiping snot on his hand, so he had to let it run over his face and into his mouth.
An hour passed and Ben Dover was fighting to keep his tussin down. When a large enough amount of cough medicine gathers in a stomach, it feels more confident in its ability to stage a rebellion. It was trying hard to escape his body. Ben had no chance to lay down in a dark room and relax until the nausea passed, he had to keep moving arms which he could no longer feel. Soon enough he couldn’t hold out any longer, and vomited red goop into a bag he was filling for a customer, turning a beautiful bag of fruit into a sack of pulpy period blood. This wasn’t the first time he had vomited at work, but this time it was in front of a customer. Ben Dover knew his time at Kroger was over.
So he screamed. A primitive, guttural scream which along with eyes red from puking, made him look like the devil. He turned toward two horrified little boys and lunged at them, crashing to the floor as they quickly scampered out of the way. Robitussin is a dissociative; Ben felt no pain. He sprang up and saw an old lady with a cane, hunched over and moving slow like all fucking old people do. Ben kicked her legs out from underneath her and she fell like a ton of bricks.
A swarm of his former coworkers quickly gathered, but they were ill-equipped to deal with a madman like Ben. They tried to grab him but he squirmed away with such force that they were knocked to the ground. Ben Dover saw his boss sprawled on the floor and leaped right at him. Ben slammed his face into boss’s groin and then bit down hard, latching himself onto his genitals. Tooth met testicle. Several people were pounding on Ben Dover with their fists and kicking him in the taint and ass in an attempt to detach him, but Ben was completely insensitive to all this.
The salty taste of blood made a dim impression on Ben’s mind and he released his jaw and stood up. He ran out to his car, started it up, and shot out of the parking lot at 40mph. Ben was experiencing double-vision at this point, and so while accelerating down the main road, he swerved into the opposite lane and was flung through his windshield, skull-first. Ben’s brains made an excellent meal for rodents and flies for many days.
Posted in: Shortened Stories