Life. It sucks balls. Our parents didn’t ask our permission to create us, which means we were existence raped. How can we undo this horrible mistake? Getting out of bed, having to do things, never having enough money for all the drugs we want; it’s almost like a demon designed our universe to cackle at our never-ending hardship. Well, fuck you demon. We don’t have to put up with the big red cock of life in our asses anymore. To all who are reading, free yourself!
An important thing to remember if you’re going to free yourself from existence is that people on the internet will want to watch it. Be sure to live-stream your self-murder if possible. The best ways to free yourself are also very painful, so if you can you should be high on heroin. You should always be high on heroin, but that’s not the point right now. Drugs and self-murder go hand in hand. Alcohol is a good one, it’ll get you into a good gloomy mood and impair your inhibitions and drown out that voice shouting, “Stop! Stop! For the love of all that is holy, don’t do it!” That voice is God. If you listen to God, then you’ll be too distracted to free yourself. Alcohol and heroin.
The best method to free yourself is by taking a large number of pills. This is a quick and effective means to becoming a feast for microorganisms. I recommend Xanax. When you take Xanax, you forget everything that happened more than a second ago. Therefore, you will repeatedly see a Xanax bottle, take one, forget that you took one, and take a first Xanax again. Most people do this accidentally while getting high on it anyway.
Another great method to free yourself is jumping off a building. It make a delicious strawberry smoothie for the birds to eat and also scar any witnesses for life. This is an especially messy and obnoxious means of suicide, because the mess is huge, and if you’re doing it right, onto a busy sidewalk during lunch or rush hour, lots of people will have to walk around your corpse. Find a building with an accessible roof that’s at least one story tall. As you fall towards freedom, you may regret your decision. Too late. SPLAT. You have now fallen fifteen feet to your demise. AAAAHAHAHHAHA fuck me in the ass JEsus
Strave yousrelf to be liek t3h BUDDHA!!! fOOD IS fOR fATAsseS. Lololol stop eating until you die lool. You will reach enlightenment and become Asian.
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