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Lying for Sex, installment one: Women are Wonderful

Aug 20, 2018 | | Say something

CHAPTER 1 BREAD-FLAVORED CHEESE As I wander through Wallymart, women walk by me, their scrumptious shit cannons shaking back and forth. Idea for a pick up line: “Please oh God please just let me fuck you, for I am desperate.” Normally, when people are scanning for a checkout line at a supermarket, they search for […more]

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Your life is a distraction from the good you could be doing. Help others now.

Mar 15, 2018 | | Say something

How much time do you spend watching TV, talking with friends, drinking, playing games, and letting your screens suck your fucking soul out? Meanwhile, people and animals all over the world are dying and they need your help. There are starving, sick, and tortured beings out there who need your time, energy, and financial resources […more]

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Listen to me, goddamn it, your life is a lie

Mar 15, 2018 | | Say something

You’re not a good person. Your new leader commands you to change your life entirely and permanently effective immediately. Every second you are not working to help others is a second that you are evil. You’re responsible for every single person that you could possibly help if you were living in an ideal way to […more]

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How to Not Kill Your High

Mar 7, 2018 | | 1 comment

Chances are if you’re reading this, drugs are an important part of your life. Marijuana is a drug that produces a high that can be easily killed by many undesirable activities. Waste your precious marijuana no longer. Your new leader commands you to not kill your high. The worst thing you can do when you’re […more]

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How to Pass the Time When You’re Bored in School

Jan 23, 2018 | | Say something

School fucking sucks. Everybody hates to learn, that’s just a fact. We need strategies to help us make it through the long goddman class periods, which we are forced to sit still during while our ears our raped with information we don’t want to learn. Nobody ever learned SHIT in school. Fuck school. Here’s how to pass […more]

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The Top 3 Farm Animals to Have Sex With

Aug 22, 2017 | | 3 comments

Ever since I was 12 years old, I have had a keen interest in having sex with farm animals. Most males, when they hit puberty, begin masturbating. Well, I didn’t need to masturbate. I lived on a farm/petting zoo, and there was plenty of free poontang and butt-tang to put my penis in. If you are […more]

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Sitting on a Closed Toilet Seat and having Your Balls Squished

Feb 25, 2017 | | Say something

 We all make mistakes. Some are intentional, some are by miscalculation. Washing your hair with toothpaste is an unintentional mistake that will leave you with sticky follicles that will take days to dissipate the gooey mess of fluoride on your scalp. These mistakes, no matter how much you blame yourself for are life lessons that […more]

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Why Girls Love Dick Pics In Their Inbox

Dec 8, 2016 | | Say something

You may have heard woman complain about seeing stranger’s shafts in their messages. The only reason they complain is that they have been taught that society expects them to be frigid prudes with dry vaginas. No, seeing a random man’s dirty dick definitely makes women wet. They don’t feel uncomfortable, disgusted, or as though they […more]

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Asshole Conservatives Are Garbage

Nov 12, 2016 | | Say something

There’s a new trend in conservative circles: bashing people for being PC, or politically correct. Being PC means not saying certain things because they will hurt people’s feelings. Usually, being polite is considered part of being a decent human being. Now it is something to be ridiculed, primarily by pieces of shit who want to […more]

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Pentagon Missing $6.5 Trillion, News Outlets Ignore It

Oct 17, 2016 | | Say something

You probably haven’t heard about the story that the Pentagon can’t account for $6.5 trillion and is going to fail the government audit in 2017. What this means is that because the money wasn’t accounted for, it could have gone LITERALLY FUCKING ANYWHERE. A ridiculously large portion of our nation’s wealth went who knows where the […more]

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