The Top 3 Farm Animals to Have Sex With

Aug 22, 2017 | | Say something

Ever since I was 12 years old, I have had a keen interest in having sex with farm animals. Most males, when they hit puberty, begin masturbating. Well, I didn’t need to masturbate. I lived on a farm/petting zoo, and there was plenty of free poontang and butt-tang to put my penis in. If you are […more]

Sitting on a Closed Toilet Seat and having Your Balls Squished

Feb 25, 2017 | | Say something

 We all make mistakes. Some are intentional, some are by miscalculation. Washing your hair with toothpaste is an unintentional mistake that will leave you with sticky follicles that will take days to dissipate the gooey mess of fluoride on your scalp. These mistakes, no matter how much you blame yourself for are life lessons that […more]

Why Girls Love Dick Pics In Their Inbox

Dec 8, 2016 | | Say something

You may have heard woman complain about seeing stranger’s shafts in their messages. The only reason they complain is that they have been taught that society expects them to be frigid prudes with dry vaginas. No, seeing a random man’s dirty dick definitely makes women wet. They don’t feel uncomfortable, disgusted, or as though they […more]

Asshole Conservatives Are Garbage

Nov 12, 2016 | | Say something

There’s a new trend in conservative circles: bashing people for being PC, or politically correct. Being PC means not saying certain things because they will hurt people’s feelings. Usually, being polite is considered part of being a decent human being. Now it is something to be ridiculed, primarily by pieces of shit who want to […more]

Pentagon Missing $6.5 Trillion, News Outlets Ignore It

Oct 17, 2016 | | Say something

You probably haven’t heard about the story that the Pentagon can’t account for $6.5 trillion and is going to fail the government audit in 2017. What this means is that because the money wasn’t accounted for, it could have gone LITERALLY FUCKING ANYWHERE. A ridiculously large portion of our nation’s wealth went who knows where the […more]

Drugs = Death

Sep 18, 2016 | | Say something

Everyone who has done drugs is either dead or on their way to being dead. People come up with all sorts of excuses for doing drugs: my dick won’t get hard, it feels good, I’m in pain, etc. But it’s all bullshit, everyone who uses drugs of any kind is an addict. Sick people are […more]

Ghosts Watch You Poop

May 26, 2016 | | Say something

There are things that are made out of the only two real things in our universe, matter and energy, and then there are magical things, like souls. Souls were discovered by Jesus when he went 40 days without water, which as we all know is impossible. How did he do it then? SOUL POWER. This is […more]

Abortion Is An Abomination

May 24, 2016 | | Say something

Why do you hate babies? Why do you want them to die? Sorry, this issue makes me awfully emotional. You see they stab these little fish monsters while they’re still growing in the uterus and vacuum them out. What crimes have these babies committed? None, they were simply unlucky enough to be conceived inside a […more]

I’m Fucking Insane

May 20, 2016 | | Say something

I can’t tell if the extra voices in my head aren’t talking loud enough, or I’m just not listening hard enough. I tell people I have schizofriendsia (so called because of the extra friends in the head) but nobody believes me. I was walking home one day about a year ago whilst high on Robitussin. […more]

Save the World By Killing Yourself

Apr 28, 2016 | | Say something

Clearly, humans are the primary source of evil on the planet. You may not know this because you did not watch Earthlings. Well I did and that gives me the right to tell you what to do, for I am enlightened. Global warming is melting our planet’s ice cubes and soon our beverage will be […more]