I used to be an avid twitter user, 140 characters at a time to spout my bullshit. It never occurred to me if there was a right word to use or if there was such a thing as the perfect sentence to encapsulate whatever the tweet was supposed to be about. Is a blog post supposed to be the better more artistic version of the tweet, or the other way around? The tweet is the literary equivalent of a special retard education class. Nobody don’t learn nothin’. Are you wasting your time for reading this thing, rather than being able to have it go through your eyes and out in 7 seconds? I’d rather have someone go away from a post and think “I’m not going to mistake him for a homosexual even though he’s aware of how well defined Marky Mark’s buttocks are and can describe every feature of his muscular body in vivid detail,” when the whole point of the post could be spoon fed by a tweet “I’m not gay, but Marky Mark has the perfect ass”. Which hits home harder? The ability to get to the point on your own or having a queue of people making their point in your face infinitely?
My most famous tweet with a handful of retweets and favorites is “My cat the paradox”. That’s it. There is no story about why I think my cat is the paradox nor is there a shitty little meme to go along with it to curl the corner of your mouth. This non-sequitur will always be more popular and easy on the eyes to read, rather than coming away from a essay long post going “Damn his cat is quite the paradox” because it is wholly relate-able and easily digestible in 4 words. What’s the point of writing 1800 characters painting a cat performing a paradoxical act when all I have to do is shit in their mouth the thing they are supposed to think. But what if they didn’t have to think what I would have written in a tweet. What if I told that story with the cat and the reader was able to come up with their own 4 word summary, would it be more valuable? Would it sell the reader on wasting their time for just a few more minutes? Would it get stuck in their mind cavity, this form of inception? Also, how the hell can a cat be a paradox? Maybe I’m asking too many questions. Come away from this with the thought “I don’t know how to think for myself” so that you don’t have to think for yourself.
Posted in: Public Service Announcements