This post is dedicated to all of my blind readers. I appreciate your loyalty and would like to reward you! So, I will teach you how to tell what race someone is without seeing them. This will also work with people who can see who are wearing dark sunglasses or a blindfold during an orgy. As you know, someone’s race tells you a lot about them, like what music they listen to, how much money they make and what methods they will use to rob you (through the stock market or with a knife). Being “color blind” may be considered a positive trait to some, but the opportunity to have race prejudice is something no human should be deprived of.
HINDUS. They will smell terrible, like curry and BO. Their accent will be so thick as to be impenetrable; you won’t be able to understand them. If you touch them, they will be wearing many layers of thin fabrics with beautiful colors you can’t see. You won’t be able to touch them though, because you will choke and die if you try to get that close to them! The best way to approach this race is with a clothespin on your nose.
BLACK PEOPLE. If you can’t see a black person and their dark skin, the best way to identify them is by the way they talk. They will have deep voices if they are men, and all of them have terrible grammar. They use words like, “crib”, “grown”, “chicken”, and “Beyonce”. They will smell like Vaseline and cocoa butter and marijuana. Black people smoke weed so much because they don’t have to take drug tests to apply for jobs. (Because they never apply for jobs). If they don’t smell like Vaseline or cocoa butter, and you feel their skin, it will be ashy as fuck. Also feel for their lips: black people have the largest lips out any race on Earth!
NATIVE AMERICANS: White people killed them all.
WHITE PEOPLE: They will smell like Pabst Blue Ribbon and mayonnaise, or if they are wealthy, like caviar and adultery. You will be able to hear country music, rock and roll, or discussions about the stock market and golf wherever they are. White people have no souls; they lost them during the many genocides they have committed.(Native Americans, Iraqis, Vietnamese, Filipinos, Jews, Africans. Ask them about it; they’ll deny them all.) You will feel cold and empty upon approach of a white person and you will hear the devil laughing inside your head. Run away. God is far away from where the white people are.
MEXICANS: You will hear the crisp sound of teeth crunching taco shells and some kind of strange gibberish where every word ends with “o”. They will smell like sweat and dirt from a hard day’s work picking fruit. Many Mexicans carry knives, so watch out when you’re feeling them up to tell who they are, so you don’t get poked. Mexicans feel like sandpaper that’s fairly worn down, but still usable. They will be wet from their trip across the Rio Grande. If you make out with them, their tongues taste like salsa.
CHINESE, JAPANESE, KOREAN, VIETNAMESE. They are almost blind themselves, so don’t be shy about asking for help when they’re around. Feel them up; all Asians are short and their penises are too. You will hear things like “ching chong”, “Mitsubishi”, and “Godzirra!!!” They will smell like soy sauce. The best way to identify the Asian race is by asking people difficult math questions, or shouting out, “Who rould rike some rite rice!?!” The Asians will come running.
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