Everyone who has done drugs is either dead or on their way to being dead. People come up with all sorts of excuses for doing drugs: my dick won’t get hard, it feels good, I’m in pain, etc. But it’s all bullshit, everyone who uses drugs of any kind is an addict. Sick people are addicted to antibiotics, people with headaches who inject aspirin into their nipples are as bad as any junkie. We live in a nation of addicts, on a planet of drug addicts who only care about getting their next fix. In this hopeless landscape of humans enslaved by addiction, where can we find hope?
THE ANSWER IS AT NARCOTICS ANONYMOUS. You can find the nearest meeting by simply googling “NA meetings in (insert city/town)”. As soon as you get there, people will try to hug you. But they are not trying to have sex with you, this is just how things work there. The people there are super nice and there is free coffee. You might think, hey, coffee is a drug too. Hey, stop thinking so much. Addiction is a disease of the mind. We thought our way into being addicts, now it’s time to follow suggestions and turn our wills over to a Higher Power. What is the Higher Power? The robotic life-forms that orbit our planet in UFOs and control our lives through advanced time-warp technology.
The first step in recovery is admitting that you are a drug addict. I’ll do this for you; you’re a drug addict. You’ve used drugs at some point in your life, whether they were the kind that get you high or not. So shut your mouth for once and listen; it’s weird to argue with your computer anyway. Take your hand out of your ass and smell it. Then take your head out of your ass and realize that you need help. Your life has become unmanageable. I command you to run outside right now and scream at the sky, “I NEED HELP ROBOT GOD!” He will begin to change your life in ways that you never imagined were possible.
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