The US Army Is A Tool Of Satan

Jul 18, 2016 | | Say something

Where do they teach you to obey and murder? In the US military of course! I saw a “Support Our Troops” bumper sticker and told my brother that it should say “support our murderers”. He said if a veteran heard me he’d kick my ass. Murderers are violent, but I still doubt that most veterans would actually do that. “You’re gonna get your ass beat,” is what people say when they’re actually the ones who want to attack you for your beliefs or actions, but are unwilling to for whatever reason. You see, when veterans are in our country, they’re usually not a threat to anyone. There are exceptions of course, like my friend’s father who was in the marines and ripped the heads off of several puppies at his ex-girlfriend’s house. This is a true story. But back to the normal case: why are veterans nice people here, when they were sociopathic killers on the other side of the world?

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Obama is petting an invisible rabbit

The US Army brainwashed them into thinking that they needed to murder. It payed them to murder. It taught them that they couldn’t have gay sex unless they kept it secret. But it put them in a far away land where they knew nobody but members of their own sex, ones that they slept in the same room with. The burden of such a secret must have driven them insane with rage, so when their friendly superiors told them to patrol the Iraqi streets and hand out candy to children, it’s no surprise they shot at anyone they could conceivably claim was a rebel against the new Iraqi order of Democracy and Freedom.

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Bush, get it? Like a large amount of vagina hair

Are all soldiers gay? Only the ones that are having fun. This is what the US Army does though: it makes a beautiful and exciting act of gay love into a secret that could get them fired if they talk about how much fun they’re having in front of the straights. Imagine if you couldn’t brag about the people you had sex with? If you had an eight-inch dick attached to a man who could bench 350 in your mouth, and couldn’t even tell your best friend? If you had the slightest opportunity, I’m sure you would slaughter an entire family of Muslims as well. US soldiers kill innocent Muslims every day, but it’s not their fault. It’s the Army’s for putting them in another country with a gun in their hand, with easy access to gay sex but no way to tell their stories of sexual conquest.

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This is sweet

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