Before you know it, we will all be underwater and on fire. This is thanks to carbon emissions that are coming from cars to move your fat ass around, coal plants to make electricity so you can sit on your fat ass and watch TV, and farts from cows being grown to make your cheeseburger, which helps to keep your ass nice and fat. What I’m saying is, everyone is going to drown in boiling water, and it’s all your fault.
What can we do to prevent this looming catastrophe? Absolutely nothing. We have doomed all of Earth’s inhabitants to a fiery watery death.
So like, on the Earth, there’s a bunch of ice on the top and bottom. As global temperatures rise, the ice melts and turns into water. Then next thing you know half of Florida is underwater and everyone has to leave Manhattan and there’s extra gay hurricanes where the wind blows way too fast and it’s 60 degrees in November. If you really want to help, destroy your car, cut the power lines going to your house, and start destroying other people’s cars and power lines. You will soon find yourself in jail, but if enough people do it, it will work because they need those jails for black people.
I suggest you start hoarding food and toilet paper and build a bunker for when all the suckers on the coast come inland. People like living near water, not under it. Sell all your coats, mittens, blankets, these things will soon be useless, so sell them while there’s still demand. And last but not least, panic!!! Panic is your body’s natural defense mechanism against stressful situations.