My first command: Take off all of your clothes. You are naked underneath and there’s no use pretending you aren’t. Stop living a lie. Clothes make it harder to have sex, which leads me into command 2: Never have sex again. Stop fucking… reproducing. We don’t need any more people. Save your cum up so that it can go through your blood into your brain and make you a genius. Why are all the smartest people in the world virgins? Brainthink about it. Command 3: Drink your pee. It’s delicious; it tastes like warm ocean water. This will save water, teaching a valuable life lesson about conservation. Only drink your pee once though, if you drink the pee that comes from the pee you drank, you will be poisoned badly. In 1978, the prime minister of India told Dan Rather on 60 minutes, “Urine therapy is the perfect medical solution for the millions of Indians who cannot afford medical treatment.” Why would he be in charge if he wasn’t smart as fuck? 😉 Command 4: Stop eating meat. Hopefully I will be able to someday force people to obey this command, but until then I ask nicely, please stop. It’s a dead body dude. Gross. You don’t dig up the grave after a burial and eat the dead guy, do you? It would be just as nutritious. Command 5: tell people about this website. Wooooowoooo woaaahhahhaha wakkakakkaka. With this magic spell, now you are brainwashed and will tell people about yournewleader.com which is my pride and joy and all I have to live for.
More commands? Okay, if you really want them, reader person. Gosh, you sure are handsome/beautiful and smart/do your makeup well. That’s called a microaggression. Command 6: Stop voting. I would like very much for you to consider me your leader, and it hurts my feelings that you would try to elect somebody else. Consider the fact that I can not punish you for disobedience. This is not true of your government, they can throw you in a cage until you die. I am LITERALLY incapable of harming you, as I am alone in my room. Command 7: Give as much money to charity as you can. Stop buying all this shit you don’t need. People are starving to death and let’s say you spend $50 on some clothes, that could have fed a person for 50 days. The fuck. Not cool. You have enough clothes. Realistically, you don’t need any. Command 8: Quit your job. You work for me full-time now, and will be paid with the satisfaction that comes with making the world a better place. Your duty is to do everything you can to make people obey these commands, and to spend hella time telling people about yournewleader.com so that they can join your team and be your friend. If you starve to death while in my employment, Jesus will suck your cock in heaven. Command 9: Live in the moment and appreciate the beauty surrounding you. Focus on what you have, not on what you want. Only a very tiny fraction of the matter in the universe experiences consciousness. You are an incredibly lucky collection of atoms. Command 10: Destroy your television. It is used to beam propaganda directly into your brain. When you stare at a TV screen, you are not a vegetable, but you are a retard. Vegetables are plants, retards are humans who can’t do anything because their brains don’t work. When you are immersed in the sight/sound illusion that the TV makes, you can’t do anything except pay attention to poorly-written TV shows. Instead, pay attention to my poorly-written blog.
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