Dangerous Lies

Charles Dickens Must Have Had A Really Shitty Childhood

Mar 26, 2016 | | Say something

I recently started reading Oliver Twist, after reading David Copperfield, and I have come to the conclusion that in his early years, Charles Dickens was starved and regularly beaten. I don’t know where he grew up (England) but the people who live there clearly got off on pummeling children with various stick-like objects while they […more]

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Nobody Loves Me

Feb 6, 2016 | | Say something

I am the number one best in the world. But what are I? I am a simple chimpanzee. I can walk around on two legs due to an awesome brain. But all alone? Yes every day except for the dogs. Hope is a lie and tomorrow brings nothing new. I lost my job bagging groceries […more]

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I’m Cool That’s Why People Like Me

Jan 30, 2016 | | Say something

Facebook is stealing my soul. I can’t stop checking to see if I have any notifications or messages, which I usually don’t seeing as it’s usually only been five minutes since I last checked. I think I have accomplished something when people like my statuses. Accordingly, I want to turn all my thoughts into Facebook […more]

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How to Celebrate 9/11

Jan 21, 2016 | | Say something

Where was I on 9/11? In my second grade classroom, I was seven years old. I have never felt bad about 9/11, either because I was too young when it happened, or because I’m a sociopath. Either way, something that most Americans take very seriously and have strong feelings about means absolutely nothing to me. […more]

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There’s No Such Thing As The Illuminati

Jan 11, 2016 | | Say something

We all know that conspiracy theorists are all insane and none of their suspicions have any validity. There is one such theory that is far more dangerous than the rest. That there is a shadowy organization of rich people who orchestrate all the world’s events. This is silly as shit and not even worth trying […more]

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What It Would Be Like to Have Different Assorted Inanimate Objects Replace Your Penis

Jan 6, 2016 | | Say something

I was wondering, what if my penis wasn’t made out of stupid human meat? What if was something awesome instead? For example, a flashlight?   Having a flashlight for a dick would have many benefits. You could see in the dark whenever you pleased. There would be absolutely no sensation on your shaft, which would […more]

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A Man Named God

Jan 4, 2016 | | Say something

Once upon a time, there was a man named God. He made everything that has ever existed, including himself. He was good in every way, and He didn’t want to change that, so He created a being of ultimate evil and unleashed it to wreak havoc on all creation. This was so that life wouldn’t […more]

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How to Lose Weight Fast

Dec 29, 2015 | | 1 comment

All the top models, movie stars, and popular girls have a secret method of staying slim, no matter how much they eat. You don’t have to count carbs, take laxatives, or even exercise! The Romans also used this tactic to help them enjoy feasts, and you can use it for this purpose as well in […more]

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The Internet Will Eat Your Soul

Dec 26, 2015 | | Say something

I recently made an Instagram account. I recently spent sixteen hours in two days looking at the accounts of girls with big boobs, trying to find a picture where part of the nipple showed. I made a free the nipple account where I pretend to be a lesbian. On said account, I actually censor all […more]

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This Is Pointless

Dec 23, 2015 | | 1 comment

Why bother saying or doing anything? I’m just going to die and be gone forever within seventy years. I like to think “at least I’m not as retarded as everyone else,” but my amazing brain informs me that I am stupid as well. As humans we are incredibly limited. Fools will tell you that you […more]

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