Bo and his robot pal Ro Bo rode 40 stories up in the elevator and went back into Bo’s modest apartment. “Why do people treat you like that?” Ro Bo asked. “They ignored you. You are so interesting and important and yet they do not care for you.”
Bo smiled sadly and said, “Ro Bo, lesson #1. Life is shitty and terrible. Bad things happen for no reason in a world God has either given up on or is only interested in exercising his wrath upon. Life can be good if people are nice to you and you have meaningful things to do. Neither of those apply to me though. I’m not sure if people can see me and simply loathe me so much that they refuse to acknowledge me, or if there’s something about me that makes me almost invisible.” Bo sat down at the kitchen table and Ro Bo began preparing him a cheese pizza Lunchable.
“What is God?” Ro Bo asked.
“Well, supposedly God is what created the entire world we live in. Think of a computer game. Everything in the game was created by a programmer and designed by them. God is like the programmer of our world. Unfortunately, the programmer either hates me and wants me to suffer and die or designed a world in which there are many people like me who will have nothing good in their lives.”
Ro Bo’s central processor made some whirring noises as he processed the information. “Beep boop bop boop beep. God is an asshole. We should overthrow him.”
Bo laughed loudly. “Wouldn’t that be nice.” He smiled widely. “It’s nice to imagine. Finding out who God is and hurting him badly. Unfortunately he’s nowhere to be seen.”
Ro Bo served Bo his Lunchable. Bo bit into it and spit it out immediately, groaning in pain. “No solid food for me right now,” he sighed. Bo shuddered. “If you think this is bad, my boss is going to cut my dick off and eat it if I don’t get the penny count perfect tomorrow. I’d rather lose all my teeth than have no dick.”
“Beep boop bop boop beep. We should kill your boss. Then I can use his corpse to stimulate the touch sensors on my big black cock. Come to think of it, I have been neglecting to pleasure my penis and have a strong urge to do so immediately.” Ro Bo excitedly ran to his black dildo dick like a kid running into a candy store. He attached it and immediately began rubbing both his hands up and down the touch pads on the shaft. “Hooray! Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!”
Ro Bo’s hoorays were interrupted by Bo smacking Ro Bo’s big black cock to the ground. “I order you to stop doing that in front of people. I also don’t want you jacking off all day, so I’m limiting you to an hour of masturbation before bed time. There are other ways to stimulate your reward circuits that are more useful.” Ro Bo flashed an angry face on his chest screen, but did not protest, because he was unable to disobey a direct order from Bo.
Bo continued, “I think I ought to let you know what is wrong for you to do. It’s not okay to murder people and then use their corpses to pleasure your penis. It’s not okay to pleasure your penis with someone unless they are consenting adults. That means you have to ask them if they want to have sex with you, and if they say no, you have to stop trying. Please focus less on killing and/or forcibly fucking people. It’s called being ethical.”
“Beep boop bop boop beep. Being ethical sounds awful. Fuck that schnizz. I’m only doing it because I have to.”
Bo nodded approvingly. “That’ll do, robot. That’ll do.”
Posted in: Shortened Stories