Our planet is warming rapidly and I command you to stage a massive protest by shitting in obnoxious or interesting places. The concentration of carbon dioxide in our atmosphere is 400 parts per million, the highest it has been in millions of years. Big business controls our government and media and that’s why you’re not hearing about this every day. Rest assured that your leaders don’t give a fuck about you and hope you die. Thank God for me, your new leader, savior and hero. Please donate money to me. Here are the perfect places to poop.
One of the most horrible places to poop is on someone’s face. Perhaps do this to someone who works at a gas station, as they labor for a company that is destroying our world. Pooping on anyone’s face will do, perhaps have a second person holding the victim’s mouth open and poop in their mouth. Your pets are small and easy to control, poop on their faces. Dogs love poop anyway and cats already constantly lick their assholes. Shitting on a face will show the world that you mean business and demand that greenhouse gas emissions be limited by law.
One of the easiest places to poop is in a bathroom. Be sure not to poop in the toilet bowl, as that is too easy to remove and not an effective protest. Anywhere else on the toilet is fine, especially if you poop on the seat and smear it around. Pooping in the sink is great, because then if people try to wash their hands they will get shit on them. Pooping in the shower or bath will also create a shit/cleaning irony. If you shit on the floor, someone might not notice and then step on it. That will be a real wake-up call to not drive as much and keep the thermostat at a reasonable level.
Shit in an air conditioning vent to teach an excellent lesson. The electricity used to power AC units is typically generated by burning coal, which releases CO2 into the atmosphere, warming the planet. If you ejaculate feces out of your asshole into someone’s air vent, every time they turn air on, shit fumes will be sprayed all throughout their house, or at least the area the vent is in. This is a directly effective protest because it will make people not turn the air on as much. Shit in people’s vents to save the world! Plus, more people will smell your poop with this method, so you know that your hard work pooping will be appreciated by noses.
The most ethical of the places to poop is on someone’s cheeseburger, or on any meat that people eat. Cow burps release methane into the air, and methane is a greenhouse gas. Meat and dairy production is a major contributor to global warming. Cut your feces into small pieces and put them into a plastic bag. Get a job at McDonald’s and put poop on people’s burgers. If they can’t tell the difference, try another restaurant. If someone is having a cookout and and heating up corpses of murdered animals on a grill, shit on the grill in front of everyone to spoil their appetite. Chili is an excellent dish to disguise diarrhea, which you can then feed to people for a sick sadistic thrill. People eat meat because it tastes good, but they won’t want to if it tastes like your poop. Be a hero and shit on people’s meat before they eat!
Posted in: Public Service Announcements