There’s nothing funny about rape. I should know; my name is Toby Bryant and I traveled across America for 20 years, raping white women in hotel rooms. Admittedly these women agreed to be raped and they weren’t all white, I just made them spread bird shit on their face like the Japanese do so that they would look white. I’m 6 foot 6 with a 9 inch penis that often makes people cry. One day I was in my hotel room smoking crack and watching TV when the O’Reilly Facktor came on. This crotchety old white man started talking about how the Black Lives Matter movement was, and I quote Will O’Reilly, for I am no racist, “Just a bunch of uppity niggers making mountains out of molehills.”
I got so angry I got a boner, then I got an idea. I’m famous as fuck! I can get an interview with O’Reilly, then rape him to death so he can’t tell any more hateful lies on television. I immediately fingered my asshole as a reward for being so smart, then pulled my finger out and smelled it, which I regretted. Then I called my agent, who set up an interview with the biggest asshole on television who’s also retarded and fucking stupid, Will O’Reilly. Then because I had to do something with my boner, I jacked off with soap in the bathroom and it burned like hell.
It was Monday night and I got to the studio at around 8 P.M. There was a large black security guard and I shot him an angry look as I handed him my ID. He hung his head so low in shame that I saw the rolls on the back of his neck. He knew he was disgracing his race by working for Fox News, the most racist cracker fucking bullshit news station in the history of white oppression. I was met at the door and escorted to the VIP lounge by an Asian bitch with small tits. I gave her my number so that she could call me and ask me to molest her tight Chinese or Japanese or Korean shit hole. “You reery think I mess around with brack guys?” She asked, shitting on my life and reminding me why I needed to rape SOMEONE who worked for Fox News.
I met Bill O’Reilly in the VIP lounge and he was surrounded by interns who were polishing his bald head and generally trying to prevent him from looking like he was almost dead. He stood up and shook my hand, which I would be sure to wash as soon as possible. “It’s great to see you Toby. I’m glad you could make it. I was watching some of your highlight reels, you make those other monkeys look terrible.” I’m going to fuck you so hard you scream, old man.
“Would you like to come into my dressing room?” I ask casually, even though inside I’m shaking with anger. “I signed some basketballs and other swag for you, I thought you would enjoy that.” He agreed by nodding his head, then he pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed it to an intern. I’m a fucking millionaire god damn it, I don’t need his nickels that were made in the 1940s. He followed me slowly, shuffling his feet and breathing heavily. When we get into my room, I closed the door and locked it, then grabbed Will O’Reilly by the ass with both hands, picked him up off the ground and kissed him passionately. “I’m about to make you shit out my cum,” I growled.
Then I threw him on the ground chest first and it knocked the wind out of him so he couldn’t scream. I pulled down his pants and piss-stained whitey tighties. Only the first half of my big brown penis head went in easily, the rest tore the anus and warm blood began gushing down my shaft, providing a convenient lubricant. Honestly, I didn’t know how this would help race relations, because I knew he would just become an even bigger bigot. I fucked the shit out of O’Reilly, literally. I needed to stop for a minute so a big wet shit could slide out of ass and then plop onto the carpet. He turned his neck around as I held him to the ground and the look on his face was one of pure horror. As I smashed my hips against his saggy ass I thought of all the arrogant hateful things he had said and it gave me strength.
After 45 minutes of angry ass smashing the security guard who had taken my ID broke open the door. He nodded at me with a look of deep respect and reverence.”I didn’t see shit,” he said softly. and stepped out of my way so I could make my escape. He also refused to testify in court and that along with the fact that I hired Johnny Cochrane, the lawyer who got OJ off, as my defense attorney, meant that I got away with teaching a racist old shit a powerful lesson about…. Well anyway it made me feel better.
Posted in: Shortened Stories