Terrorists Aren’t Real

Oct 28, 2016 | | Say something

After the extremely unpopular Iraq War, it would seem as though Americans would have little enthusiasm for putting troops back into Iraq. However, Americans are bloodthirsty demons and that’s why they need me as a dictator. The rise of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria has filled many Americans with a rabid hunger for revenge for the terrorist attacks that ISIS has carried out. The horrifying attacks carried out by those who have pledged allegiance to ISIS in San Bernandino and Orlando have overshadowed the memory that many Americans have of the lies about WMDs told by the first retarded monkey president in the lead-up to the Iraq War. ISIS would not exist if America had not removed Saddam Hussein from power; it was a war in Iraq that caused this problem and a new war in Iraq will likely cause a new problem in turn.

 look at this fucking troll

The two presidential candidates are responding to the rise of ISIS in very different ways. Hillary Clinton is saying that she will not be sending troops into Iraq, because she has a royal vagina that she needs those troops to run a train on. Also, sane and reasonable Americans (a small minority) have an aversion to war in the Middle East. Hillary Clinton is a cynical cunt, so she is trying to be politically correct about Muslims by emphasizing that most Muslims are not extremists, while secretly referring to Muslims as “towel-heads” in all of her emails. Donald Trump is appealing to American’s hatred of terrorists by talking about how he will crush ISIS. He is not being reserved in any way with his rhetoric and is not worried in the slightest about offending Muslims or making them feel ostracized, because he is an amoral jackass.

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I’m going to hell

ISIS has been a huge help to the Trump campaign. When he first made the comment about banning all Muslim immigration to the United States “until we figure out what the hell is going on” his campaign took off. It was a comment that really resonated with Americans, most of whom are racist as fuck. The reality is that Muslims are very distrusted in our country and Donald Trump has used that fact to his advantage. Talking about destroying ISIS is definitely a winning issue for Trump; not many Americans want ISIS to continue to exist. Because of his aggressive stance against Islam, if there were a major terrorist attack in America by ISIS between now and the election, Trump would get tens of thousands more votes and a soft, small weak erection.

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This should be a t-shirt

Donald Trump recently said that if Clinton is elected president, ISIS will take over the United States. Donald Trump says a lot of things though; he’s pretty fucking stupid. This fear-mongering statement overestimates the threat ISIS poses to our country by far. If one consults a map or globe, one will find a large blue thing between the Middle East and America. Hillary Clinton’s plan for defeating ISIS is nearly the same as Trump’s. According to her website, she plans to increase air strikes and give more support to local ground forces like the Iraqi Army. Both politicians are pro-war and the election of either of them will kill not just members of ISIS, but also thousands of innocent Middle-Easterners. However, most Americans don’t give two fucking shits about blowing women and children into little bite-sized bits as long as they’re people far away who are of a different race and religion. They even justify it with retarded claims about the threats terrorists pose, but PLEASE LOOK AT A MAP THERE’S AN OCEAN BETWEEN THE MIDDLE EAST AND AMERICA. Hillary Clinton will not use the same language as Trump, but she will do almost exactly the same thing as him.

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Protects us from the scary Muslims

Conspicuously absent from the discussion is the possibility of America no longer having combat troops in the Middle East. For the past 15 years, ever since October of 2001 when American troops were first deployed to Afghanistan, the United States has been at war in the Middle East. The hysteria caused by the rise of ISIS has ensured that our nation will be at war for many more years to come. The effect of ISIS on the presidential election is clear; Donald Trump is seen as the candidate that will be toughest on ISIS and has made huge gains because of this. His constant mentions of the threat radical Islam poses to our country is what got him this far in the first place. 9/11 was an inside job.

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