The Fish Are Fucked

May 31, 2016 | | 7 comments

Semen power, activate! I have avoided masturbation for six days and now my veins are coursing with cum. Well, I made this title so I gotta stick with it. Someone asked where the fishing licenses were at my place of work. I thought, “fuck you murdering bitch killing animals for fun don’t you know what you’re doing?” Then later as I walked about I was molested by enlightenment: my moral outrage is FUTILE. Even if I could convince people to stop fishing for fun, which I can’t, there are giant ships dragging nets that go all the way to the ocean floor and catch all the damn marine life there is. I realized I have two choices, get over it, or continue to be butthurt. Because like it or not, the fish are fucked.

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Do you love dolphins? Love ’em while ya can, because soon they’ll be gone forever <3 It doesn’t fucking matter what we want, what matters is what’s actually going to happen! Stupid housewives and other yuppie dipshits always seem to want fish caught from the wild, as opposed to farm-raised. Even though it costs at least four times as much, and if they were just given farm-raised anyway, they wouldn’t be able to tell the difference. They would be indignant if told this and claim there really is a difference, but fish are fish, and people are full of shit. However, this dilemma will soon become irrelevant, because the Earth’s oceans will soon be 100% battery acid.

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HOPE YOU’RE ALL READY TO TRIP BALLS

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A much simpler version of what the above picture is saying.

It hurts to be stabbed in the cheek, yanked high in the air by the stabbing instrument, and then slowly suffocate. But on the other hand, for humans it’s a pleasant way to pass a sunny day. “Stop torturing innocent creatures!” One could scream. Many people would scoff at this, believing fish brains aren’t developed enough to feel pain. “The whole reason animals have nerve endings is for that very reason! Literally all animals can feel pain!” Then the police come and drag me to a mental institution where I am held hostage for my health insurance and force-fed anti-psychotic medication.

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“Please put me back in the water.”

 

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Posted in: Public Service Announcements

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