The Top 3 Farm Animals to Have Sex With

Aug 22, 2017 | | 3 comments

Ever since I was 12 years old, I have had a keen interest in having sex with farm animals. Most males, when they hit puberty, begin masturbating. Well, I didn’t need to masturbate. I lived on a farm/petting zoo, and there was plenty of free poontang and butt-tang to put my penis in. If you are reading this, I am sure you are also an animal sex enthusiast and want to know what the best animals are to invest your cum in. This article will be geared towards both males and females, of course. I’ll tell you everything you need to know about what it’s like to fuck chickens, cows, and sheep.

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The very best of the animals to have sex with for both men and women is the noble sheep. A female sheep is a sheep, and a male sheep is called a ram, for exciting reasons we’ll discuss soon. For us men, the sheep vagina is at waist height and delightfully moist. Sheep seem to enjoy being fucked from behind and won’t make much of a fuss. Take them away from the protective rams and they’re all yours. The feeling of sweet sheep pussy juice leaking onto your balls will keep you coming back for more, as well as the way a sheep’s flappy pussy lips eat up your cock like it’s starving to death. Fucking a ram is exciting because of the hardness of their penises. Rams have some of the hardest erections (and hairiest!) in the animal kingdom and your vagina or asshole will thank you if you get one to penetrate it. Their thrusting power is unequaled by any human being and will make your pussy sing like Lady Gaga.

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Cows are great animal to have sex with because of their submissive and friendly nature. They are eager to please and their long tongues will curl around your cock if you put some tasty treats on it. It’s great to milk a cow onto your dick and jack off, using the milk as lube. If you lick your hand after it will be a delightful taste, a mix of semen and fresh milk. If you want to fuck a cow’s asshole, and trust me you do, simply put a stepping stool behind it and slide your cock right in, because a cow’s asshole produces a natural lubricant. Clearly, God designed cow’s asses to please human dicks! A bull should only be approached by females, otherwise they will attack because they are very territorial. But smelling a human woman’s pussy will bring a bull running right up with a huge 15 inch erection. Ladies, it may be intimidating, but go ahead and lay on the ground with your legs spread and let that bull go to town. They produce nearly a gallon of cum when they ejaculate, which will absorb through the walls of your vagina and is enough to saturate your bloodstream and get you closer to God than you’ve ever been before.

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Fucking chickens may seem like a difficult task due to the size differential between the human dick and a chicken’s tight little asshole. Well, they may die from intestinal rupturing, but, you know, they’re fucking chickens. If it dies, just pick up a new one and fuck it instead. You’ll want to lube up your penis heavily with Vaseline before rapesertion. You will need to screw the chicken onto your penis, otherwise you’ll just get stuck. Hold it in place with both hands and hump forcefully. When you cum, it will shoot of like a rocket, wings flapping comically. Chickens feel great on the penis! Women can’t really have sex with chickens, but the can have roosters peck at their vagina for a painful thrill.

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