Happy birthday to my website! One year ago, on November 16th, I posted my first article on this website, declaring that democracy is dead and that I am your new dictator. Since then, nothing has changed. Assholes still rule the world and global warming is in full effect, melting ice cubes all across the globe. You have failed me by not telling your friends about my vulgar and offensive website. I have taught you many things, yet you do not appreciate me. Tell people about yournewleader.com, or when I become dictator I will make you dig holes and fill them back up for the rest of your life.
Fuck. This website is losing money. I thought I would be rich by now, but I still live with my parents. Maybe, it’s my fault; I guess I’m not funny or a good leader or a great writer after all. I’ve failed you all, you’re doomed to being ruled by the same dipshits as always. Most importantly, I’ve failed myself, by not getting thousands of dollars every day. Click on the ads, you fucks. Click on them!!! Here’s a joke: I stuck my boner in a bee’s nest, now I see what all the buzz is about. Do you love me yet?
I will make a promise to you, my future slaves: this year, this website will have success and not failure. The articles are gold, that’s not the problem. People just make the wrong choices about what to read on the internet and need to be re-educated through the use of violence and insults. I’m not the problem, everyone else is. Please love me. I am desperate for your approval.
Posted in: Public Service Announcements